Have you been watching the disaster-of-a-show-wrapped-in-American-Idol-clothing-but-with-a-panel-of- judges-who-makes-you-wanna-puke-on FOX? If you haven’t you’ll live longer. If you’re a filmmaker and haven’t, you’re blessed. If you’re a filmmaker and regretted not getting into the show, the good Lord himself handed you your life in the form of a rejection letter from the show.
I wasn’t as fortunate. I watched it last night. But you see, my anger comes from watching the judges. I don’t know if the panel changes each week, but tonight’s (was it a repeat?) panel: who picked these losers? Yes, yes, I am aware she was Princess Leah and her screenwriting career and Eddie Fisher and that he directed Pretty Woman and is a TV legend and all of that bullshit. I still think they’re the worst judges ever. I have to say some of the films were terrible, esp. since these filmmakers were picked from thousands. Who knows, though, maybe they were the best out of them. But here’s essentially what the judges said after each film. Of course, a sentence or two may make it into these from my own head. Otherwise, how would I make fun of them?
Carrie Fisher: I…I…I…I mean there’s….there’s…I don’t know…it…it…it didn’t have the beginning…you know…and the middle…and…and…and…the end was…um…I…I…I…I’m sorry…but it…it…didn’t do it for me. I mean I think you’re a talented filmmaker…you’re a talented filmmaker…and I think…I…I think….I mean….it just didn’t do it for me. Sorry, but it just…just wasn’t…just quite there… I know how great a filmmaker you are…and…and…it just didn’t…didn’t do it for me. Soweeeee!
Fucking shoot me! What’s with her obsession with beginning, middle and end?
D J Caruso: I mean…the talent is there. I mean…the talent is there. I mean…the talent is there. I mean…the talent is there.
Is there a stop button?
Garry Marshall: (seems like he was happy to show everyone how funny he really is) You went far out with your idea, except no one was out there with you. You just didn’t direct the actors well. You directed the actors well. Your actors didn’t direct the actors well. You gotta shorten your name. I’m from The Bronx. They don’t make ’em like they used. Your characters look too cool. You made piss and farting a work of art. You made a movie about piss!! The insert was not needed. You needed an insert. I’m such a funny guy. Watch me do a clever sequel to Pretty Woman with Joolia Robe’ts and Richard Geah. He kissed an Indian chick? What’d he kiss an Indian chick for? Chick….look it has a ‘k’ sound. I should be laughing. Heh heh heh. I’m so funny and my accent makes me even funniah!
The host looked like Longoria and Johansson had a baby. Fuck On The Lot! I’m watching every week. 🙂