Not Another MySpace, Please!

7 06 2007

Not a week has passed by since Amp’d Mobile filed Chapter 11 Now Coke wants their new venture to be the ‘MySpace of the cell-phone world‘ When a company makes comparisons/predictions like that you have to salute their arrogance. What does that mean, MySpace of the cell-phone world? Perverts will have more options to spam you? Instead of the caller ID giving you just the name and number you can see the person’s screen name and a picture of them half-naked sprawled on their coffee table? By comparing, all the company’s doing is making web users (esp. bloggers and MySpace ‘lovers’) eager to look for flaws with the new site, and all the ways Sprite Yard will be worse than MySpace, or any other social networking site. Can you expect a positive word-of-mouth that way?

If your site is different, efficient, and cool, users will notice it and appreciate it; not to mention rave about it. Just let them give it a try and let them compare it to whatever they want to. The company assumes the whole world is on MySpace or wants to be. It’s not. There are about 182 million registered users on MySpace – I know, I just checked my page 🙂 I have 4 accounts on there – Emonome (my first account back in 2005), Hassberry Theatre Company (surprised this one got more attention), one filmmaker account, and one for Washington Heighs Artists Theater. If there are, at least, 5 million users just like me, that means we take up 20 mill accounts on MySpace. I’m sure some have more accounts – let’s say 5 million people have up to 5 accounts each – that makes another 25 million. Why would anyone have 5 each? Ok, let’s take my own example. If I made films now and followed what other filmmakers do, I’d create another account for that film only. With just a couple of films added, I’d have stacked up to 7-8 accounts. Granted this makes no sense to a lot of people and keeping your accounts updated can be a bitch, but each film needs to be identified and presented on its own.

We haven’t taken the perverts into account. This group can take up to 10 accounts each. How many times have you received spam from ‘girls’ who say “I am new to MySpace and loved your profile so much. I don’t use this so much, so you can email me at my Yahoo! account.?” How many times have you noticed the same picture but with different account names sending you links to the new iPhone giveaway (back in February)? Let’s group the perverts and spammers into one bunch – how many are there? Well, your guess is as good as mine – and make a nice round figure of 5 million (I’ll start low) so, bam, a whopping 50 million accounts.

Then there are people who’ve opened an account and never went back after they realized Tom will forever be their only friend. Another 5 million. Then some more who’d opened an account, forgot they’d opened one, couldn’t find the old account, and, therefore, opened a new one – another 5 million times two – 10 million accounts. And who’s to say there aren’t people sitting in a sweatshop in India, working for $.50 an hour creating account after account after account after account. Oh, how I dare imply. I don’t actually think a company would stoop so low, I mean so fucking low, to beef up their numbers because that’d be just stupid and that would just be…fucking idiotic.

Let’s add things up here:

People like me (4 accounts each times 5 million) – 20 million

People crazier than me and with more time (10 accounts each times 5 million) – 50 million

Perverts and Spammers – (10 accounts each times 5 million) – 50 million

One-time users – 5 million

Opened once, opened twice (2 accounts times 5 million) – 10 million

Grand total – 25 million actual users and 135 million MySpace accounts.

That was a fun game, wasn’t it? Especially since it was based on nothing but my scientific assumptions and the guiding light of Ms. Cleo. If these numbers were true, who gets or has been getting fucked? Advertisers, of course, who think they’re actually reaching 182 million users. Suckers! My suggestion to new sites (too late for you, Sprite Yard) please don’t make the mistake of saying how your venture will be like this one or that one and how it will change the way things are done. You’d just be just making an ass out of u and me.

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